the smell of his blood was on my hands

tonight talia made me murder. 

yep murder. 
earlier talia told me it was time to get rid of the tree. i always feel so bad for the tree it always seems like they are there for our enjoyment and then when we are done loving them we throw them away. don’t get me wrong i wouldn’t have a fake christmas tree but when talia gives him a name and then i grow attached to the tree i hate it. 
so like every year i neglected for 2 days in throwing away the tree. he still smelled and was green so i didn’t feel right about throwing him out. and i can understand wanting to get rid of him because it can become a fire hazard. well earlier talia made me take him out and throw him away. 
i felt bad
i had his sap on my hands and his fragrant smell didn’t wash off. 
am i the only one who feels this way? i don’t know. 
but i came inside from throwing him out and now there are some needles laying on the floor and a open spot where he sat. 
so now im feeling guilty over wallace’s demise. 
poor tree. 

2 thoughts on “the smell of his blood was on my hands

  1. Would it help you to know that your tree wasn’t “wild”. He was probably grown on a tree farm just for the purpose of becoming a Christmas tree. Most of what we eat or use exists only because it is destined for a specific purpose. Your tree effectively died when it was cut, not when you took it to the trash. You could buy a little live tree, in soil, which you kept alive to bring in each year to be a Christmas tree…but this might not be practical because they like to live in cool places like the forest they would have lived in if they were truly a “wild” tree. Did you know we use pine-type trees because they are “evergreen”- a symbol of everlasting life? A bit ironic…but Happy New Year to you and family!

  2. thanx for the info i guess it does make me feel a little better, but now there is this imprint on my carpet where he once stood…sad…

    but life will go on and i will feel this way again next year…

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