time stand still

man im tired this morning… i dont even know what i did this weekend honstly all i have known is being out the door and sleep… i was actually able to go get a cup of coffee this morning, but no bike ride. 

 

and last night i was able to go play records with stuart for a couple of hours… but other than that its just been running around. 

yesterday i worked, today is a birthday party for my niece… next weekend rinse and repeat… then the week after that ill be in florida for training… then we get ready for Chloe’s party. 

i miss the times of riding my bike on the weekend… such a simple pleaser i take for granted.

 

on another subject i have had this topic in my head and really didn’t want to write about it until i accomplished it, but honestly it has been bugging me for some time.

you see before my father died i gave him a book that i really thought he would appreciate, he was a mad person when it came to reading, he would read for information and then read for pleasure. but i wanted to get him something because he was going through rehab at the time and i thought this book would be a help to him in recovering. i gave him this book called the ghost rider about this gentleman named neil peart, he is the drummer for me and my dads favorite band named rush. neil lost his daughter in a car accident on her way back to college then a year later lost his wife to cancer, so him lost and  feeling as he had no hope he decides to go and travel canada, the united states, and south america on his motorcycle. well my father loved the book and we would talk about it when we would see each other. 

well when he passed away i only took a couple of things of his i took his cds, his wallet, and 2 tshirts, and this book. and when i looked inside i found a bookmark where he left off. when i found that i cried it was just so much. mostly because he was such a fast reader,  but for some odd reason i think he was taking his time with this book, and i honestly don’t think he was reading anything else at the time. i think he was concentrating on this one book feeling almost the same things in the book, yes in a different way, but feeling the pain and loneliness, and then trying to feel as life can go on,  that there is a way out of this deep dark hole. i know he felt some connection to neil in the book, i think it had to do with neils lyrics in his music and then to see this side of him he understood the pain that he felt, and i think my father saw that in his own life. i dont know its kinda hard to explain. i guess to me it just feels like a unfinished job. something he started and didn’t finish. 

so fast forward to me and I’m reading the book. i have spent so much time reading this thing starting and stopping. then starting again. well I’m almost to that point in the book where I’m going to hit the bookmark and i honestly don’t know what to feel or what to think. its weird… part of me honestly feels robbed and almost not wanting to do it. but i feel like i need to finish it, to get it over with. i keep looking at the point in the book counting the pages and looking at the point where the paragraph ends and knowing i would have stopped there too. i don’t know. but maybe I’m thinking to far into it. i guess all i can do is get to it read it and see what happens. 

 

 

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